Learning that your family of two is going to expand to a family of three, or that your family of three is going to have a fourth is happy news.   Behind that happy news lies the lifelong role of parenthood, which for both mothers and fathers holds ups and downs.  When parenthood is prepared for, the continuous waves of challenges and joys that come with parenting your bundle of joy can be faced with patience, understanding, courage and love for self, partner parent and baby.    

Parenting goes through stages that match the development of a child and his/her needs.  First there is the preparation for parenthood.   During this period, the priority is to ensure the mother gets the right nutrition, exercise and being in a good frame of mind.  A new addition will change the relationship dynamics.  It is important that the parents discuss the changes required for the new and next stage in their own lives.   

Preparing for parenting also needs a discussion on the values that will underpin parenting.   The next stage will be marked by the birth and adapting to the baby whose basic needs of nutrition and connection and love will be at the forefront developing an attachment between parent and child. According to psychologist the nature of a child’s adult relationships will be determined by how secure or insecure the child is made to feel or feels by the parent’s care during this time.  

The next stage is a stage that includes the dreaded terrible twos… but this time is a time when your child really begins to interact with the world around her/him.  During this time parents must set the rules that guide the behavior of their child.   Parents must begin to establish the values that will guide the behavior of children as they increasingly become more independent.   There are critical values that children must incorporate here – patience leading to delayed gratification is one of them and the boundaries of what is and isn’t acceptable behavior is another.   During the previous stage what was important was the parents’ response to basic needs – in this stage parental responsibilities include ensuring that a young child learns consequences for actions, values like sharing, kindness and also how to manage their own emotions.  

Of course your child is going to have tantrums, there are a lot of new things to take.  So as a parent, you too must evolve to handle these moments or many moments of calm and storm.   It will be hard for you – pressed for time, everyone looking on, other children behaving themselves, questions on your parenting approach.  And in the midst of all of this you will also find support and shared experience with other parents.     

At this point it is important to note – this is normal of a child’s behavior and for you as a parent I hope you search for the kind support to ride the wave and not be bogged down by the possibly louder voices.  Ask for support – reach out to friends, family etc.   Don’t let the thought of I am not a good enough parent sit with you.   As you continue to teach core values to guide behaviors, new patterns of behavior are established.  Old behaviors will change. You will have a new stage of working with your child to help her/him to begin to understand the world he must navigate and then practice independence before s/he leaves to start his own family.    It is important that confidence and self-esteem is nurtured from the beginning of your role as parent – for yourself and your child.   

You shape the how to of parenting accordingly.

Let’s use this space as a safe and kind place to interact: share your stories – your challenges and joys of engaged parenting.     

TIP: Consistency in discipline, rewards and punishments.  Flexibility to listen to concerns, fears and joys.   Constant communication.  Measured expectations.  These will support the nurturing strong parent child relationships.  

Sources:

Brown, B., 2020. The Gifts of Imperfection. 2nd ed. London: Vermilion.

Diener, M. and Lang, D., 2022. 1980s: Galinsky. [online] Iastate.pressbooks.pub. Available at: (https://iastate.pressbooks.pub/parentingfamilydiversity/chapter/galinsky/) 

Kidshealth.org. 2022. Nine Steps to More Effective Parenting (for Parents) - Nemours KidsHealth. [online] Available at: (https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/nine-steps.html)

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